Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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