I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
