I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
