Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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