dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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