We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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