my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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