Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
