Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
