hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
