what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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