My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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