Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
