I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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