you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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