"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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