New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
When are your genitals available?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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