I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
