there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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