i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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