my mouth tastes like poor choices
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
