I wanna bring you to show and tell
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
