i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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