babies were throwing up all over the place
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
