just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
