The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
