I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
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the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
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When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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