That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
