when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This house was built for laser tag.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Can I color on your dick again?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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