weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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