I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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