captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
