I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
