my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
