There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
