You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
