hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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