just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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