After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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