meet me or not, i'm out of control
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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