dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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