Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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