theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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