Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
