They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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