He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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