i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
