So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
