put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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