sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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