It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
