My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
