last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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