Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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