accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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