I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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