And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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