i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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