Nicole vs. Life
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
