she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
