dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
