mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
