If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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