You smell like a Billy Joel song
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
