this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
